Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Summertime Blues

I've really been struggling with working mom guilt.  Finding a balance between work and family is a struggle most working parents face. But for some reason, it's been especially hard for me this summer.

Perhaps it's just a seasonal thing. It's been eighteen years since I was a fulltime student, but I've never fully adjusted to not having summers off.  Now, that the boys are in their school years, I'd give anything to spend our summers together, day tripping, camping or splashing in the pool. 

To make matters worse, summer is the busiest time for me at work.  It's hard for me to take any time off.  And by the end of July, I feel myself getting grumpy and burnt out.

Matt hasn't helped.  Every weekday, as we head out the door to daycare, he wraps his arms around me and says, "I just want to stay with you."

I remind him of his friends, the fieldtrips, water days, and silly crafts.  He loves all those things, but shrugs and repeats his plea, "I want to be with you. I wish I could go to work with you."
I wish he could too.  He could make copies and fetch things off the printer.  He could get my coffee.  He could give me consoling hugs when folks miss my deadlines and hold projects up for months at a time.

He'd be bored out of his mind.

He'd start to whine and fidget and then look for trouble.  Next would come the arm pit farts and weird little noises boys are so good at making. Eventually, I would lose my patience and he would have his feelings hurt.  We'd both feel bad.

Perhaps the current set-up is the best one for now.

But I will re-commit to making the best of the time I do have with them. 

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